Ernie, the true patriot

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I just HAD to reprint this. It's from our good pal Ernie (who runs a VERY funny joke list of his own)

At 03:16 PM 5/25/2002, Jesse Masone wrote:
> This is regarding your latest post titled "America Love it or
> Leave it."
> My response is directed to the original author and can be
> forwarded to him. If you feel the need to flame me or post
> my email address I'm sure there's nothing can be said to avoid
> it, but this kind of attitude is really aggravating me.
>
> This rant hit home for me because for the past three years I
> have had a sticker on my car with a flag in black and white
> with vertical bars of alternating thickness and numbers
> underneath bearing close resemblance to a UPC code. I think
> its kind of funny, because in America much is forsaken in the
> name of almighty dollars. You speak of stopping complaints and
> taking to action, but do you really expect from a nation so
> engrossed in its own cycle of spend, produce, dispose, and
> destroy to even pay attention. A nation that can find no
> stopping monopolies like AOL-TimeWarner and Microsoft from
> polluting economic growth, or General Electric from polluting
> the Hudson River. I put this sticker on my car not because I
> hate America, but because I love it so much I don't want to
> see it degenerate for the sake of material excess. And worse,
> to see the rest of the planet follow in our footsteps. The
> attacks in September only served to clarify this, yet I have had
> numerous people shoot dirty looks and middle fingers my way,
> while American flags covered their entire back windows.
> Don't be blinded by patriotism and nationalism into hate,
> discrimination, and violence even on our own shores. It is this
> reactionary nature which has led to every war for which we remember
> this weekend. You and I and every other American do not have to
> love EVERY single thing in or about this country in order to love
> this country altogether. By being dissatisfied we can raise dissent
> on issues and awareness in the public through free speech and the
> oft-beleaguered peaceful protest to the point of change occurring
> as part of the democratic and legislative processes that make this
> country the beautiful society that it is. You could call that
> progress, monkeyboy. Just because medicine killed evolution
> doesn't mean you should go around acting like a sub-primate beating
> and cursing people that oppose you or at least appear to. And I
> duly apologize if any lack in language skills has forced you to
> reread this several times.
>
> Yes I am a hippie. Like most hippies, I don't burn flags. My
> father is an immigrant who probably works a lot harder than you
> do. And if you bear so much frustration with the UPC flag on my
> car, which is right underneath my equality sticker, go ahead and
> deliver "more than a punch" so I can whoop your ass with the
> judicial branch.
>
> Peace, Jesse

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..oh, pardon my delay, I'm just wiping the fucking vomit off of my chin....
...
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...there, all better.
...
For those of you a bit confused, Jesse here is replying to a recent post I
put on EHOWA, which you all can read
here... http://www.ehowa.com/loveitorleaveit.html
...
...
Jesse,
While I can not in all honesty take credit for penning such a masterful
piece of craftsmanship as the "Love it or Leave It" post, I do feel I am
qualified to, in fact even obligated to, reply to you letter. You know, in
the spirit of detailing what aggravates us and all.

Your rant hit home for me because for the past three years, I have made
every attempt to piss off, flip off, and cut off every worthless piece of
snivelling shit hippie that I see displaying a mockery of the American Flag
on their rusted out, flower covered hippiemobiles.

You, and the rest of your gutless apathetic kind who think that we brought
the attacks of September 11th upon ourselves need to pull your collective
heads out of your collective asses and get in tune with what really fucking
happened.

It wasn't some fat, lazy American chatting on AOL's instant messenger,
running Windows 2000, watching his stock updates on a GE television that
planned and executed those attacks, it was a collection of evil warped
fanatics. Evil, warped fanatics that don't deserve a fucking shred of mercy
or decency anymore than the people in those towers didn't deserve to be
killed merely for the fact that they live in the most prosperous nation on
earth.

"You and I and every other American..."

You know what? Don't you ever, ever put "you" and "I" in the same sentence
again. You are nothing like me. A world does not exist where you are even a
fraction of an equal to my ballsack. You are but a fissure, upon the
asshole, upon the ass, upon the worthless coward scampering around the
mountains of Afghanistan looking over his shoulder for the next blow of the
mighty iron fist, that is, the United States Military.

That entity among the American public that you have grown aversion for is
called patriotism. It is alive and flourishing despite the regurgitation of
anti-American filth that echoes in your blatantly misguided antics.
Fuck you, and fuck your gorilla's abortion of a father for not raising a
more patriotic son that would have more sense and understanding than that
of the average baked walleye trout dinner.

Hippies. Bah. In fact, I make every effort to make the very last thing they
see on this world, before the darkening cloak of death creeps over their
eyes as they lie in their wrecked cars lying on the embankment of the road
following four barrel rolls down I-95, is the American Flag I have
(properly) displayed in my rear window and the "How's my driving call
1-800-EAT-SHIT" sticker on my bumper.

I was patriotic before Sept 11th, I am your pain, and I am eternal.

Remember, if there wasn't a Pearl Harbor, there would not have been a
Hiroshima.

Ernie

PS -- you can indeed be sure that you have not run across my path before,
because I would have smashed out that section of your car window desecrated
by your UPC flag, and taken a nice big American crap on your dashboard
while skullfucking your little sister. And you shall know I was there from
the aroma of frothy Sam Adams beer and digested cheeseburger that forever
more danced in your nostrils.
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